book review: The Mark of the King

PG-13

A predictable love story tied together with historical facts. I loved reading about the colonization of Louisiana, especially New Orleans. I cried right along with Julianne as she lost her baby and felt her heartache of seeing others welcome babies into their lives. There is violence throughout the book as well as a spattering of romantic situations which include some bedroom scenes.

**I was provided a copy of this book to review. The opinions stated here are my own.

writing prompt

"Everything here can kill you, but I can do it the most efficiently."

We had been hiking for about a day. I had no doubt the man acting as my "guide" did have the necessary skills to end my misery. I could not only be killed by his massive forearms and bulging biceps, but the various tattoos marking those clubs painted a picture I did not want to test; United States Marine, skulls, devils, and flames. 

I respond only with a grunt. What did he expect anyway? He had been making threats and muttering to himself since the sun rose. He seems on edge. Almost like he expects me to instantly assume a super power and obliterate him. How could he be afraid of a short, petite thing like me? 

new year, new goals

I made a list of 100 things I want to learn, see and do before I turn 40. I have until the spring of 2022 to finish this list. 

One of these goals is to get back into writing, and hopefully, one day get something published. To help with this goal, I am following an IG account that offers a writing prompt. I will post my writings here.

Missionary Lesson: Our Purpose/The Atonement/Acting on Faith

The Sister missionaries invited me to go to a lesson yesterday and wanted me to participate with the lesson. We didn't end up teaching the investigator about this topic, so I thought I'd share here what I studied.

Our purpose on Earth is to:

1. Have JOY and
2. Prepare to return back to our Heavenly Father

We are also here to gain experience. Experiences can bring us happiness or they can bring us sadness, pain, or sorrow. And, sometimes these experiences are brought on by others choices. We have these experiences to learn and grow, distinguish between good and evil, and to make choices.

**SIDENOTE** In a recent Relief Society lesson, we talked about the differences between joy and happiness. Joy is an eternal concept, whereas happiness is a momentary experience.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ consisted of his suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross at Calvary. It also consists of His resurrection. His atonement covers everyone! When each of us dies, each one of us will have the opportunity to be resurrected because of the atonement. Our ultimate goal is to return back into the presence of our Father in Heaven, to live with him and Jesus Christ for eternity. To make it to this goal, there are some conditions of the atonement that we must all follow. They are:

• Believe in Jesus Christ
• Repent
• Be baptized by immersion and receive the Holy Ghost
• Be the best we can be all the time, which includes loving and serving others.

The atonement is an amazing, personal thing that is hard for me to comprehend. I know that through the atonement and the promises I make and keep with Jesus Christ will allow me to be with my family forever. Through the atonement Jesus Christ will help me with the experiences I have on this earth.

Sometimes we feel tired, sick, confused, angry or it feels like no one is answering or even hearing our pleadings. Another name for Jesus Christ is Light. He is the source of light and truth and hope and love and happiness. Imagine you're holding a candlestick with a bright, shinning light. You can see everything the light touches but not the things in the darkness. You have to show faith by taking one step into that darkness so that the light will illuminate what you are looking for. Our Father hears us! He loves us! We can do our parts and act on faith that one day we will have energy; we will be healthy and strong; our minds will work in amazing ways; we will be filled with love and light; and all our questions will be answered. Until that day we must have believe in Jesus Christ, repent, and endure to the end.

Afflictions of the Righteous

If you have ever been in the midst of affliction (and, really, who hasn't) it almost always feels like your being afflicted because God must hate you. Why else would you have to experience that? I recently watched "Little Rascals" again, and the quote from Alfalfa always sticks with me: "What else could possible go wrong? And then the clouds parted and God said, 'I hate you Alfalfa.'" This quote makes me giggle, but a little sad inside as well.

I have studied a bit about the afflictions of the righteous. The scriptural account that comes to mind is that of Job. He had everything taken from him, including his family and his attitude was ,"though [God] slay me, yet will I trust in him" (Job 13:15). A few versus before, he said, "let come on me what will" (Job 13:13)!

Those afflictions of the righteous are for experience, discipline and instruction.

being happy

I love TEDtalks! I've been purging some of our "stuff" and came across the following notes from Jane McGonigal's talk "The Game That Can Give You 10 Extra Years" in June 2012.

She mentioned "5 Regrets of the Dieing" that hospice workers remember. They are:
1. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
2. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
3. I wish I had let myself be happier.
4. I wish I had the courage to express my true self.
5. I wish I had lived a life true to my dreams, instead of what others expected of me.

She also mention "5 Traits of Post-Traumatic Growth". They are:
1. My priorities have changed -- I'm not afraid to do what makes me happy.
2. I feel closer to my friends and family.
3. I understand myself better, I know who I REALLY am now.
4. I have a new sense of meaning and purpose.
5. I'm better able to focus on my goals and dreams.

She also mentioned "4 Resilience Traits" that people can exercise. They are:
1. PHYSICAL Resilience: Be active and move!
2. MENTAL Resilience: snap 50 times to boost will power.
3. EMOTIONAL Resilience: journal 3 positive things and 1 negative thing.
4. SOCIAL Resilience: get strength from touching someone.

This is such a tender mercy from my Father in Heaven! I have been studying and praying all I can about forgiveness and being happy. I can definitely relate to most of the post-traumatic growth and want to stay away from the regrets.

self esteem

be perfect

There are two scriptures that tell us to be perfect.

Matthew 5:48
"Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."

3 Nephi 12:48
"Therefore I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect."

Notice the differences?

When Jesus Christ is commanding us to be perfect, he is not telling us that we need to bake a million cakes and cookies for the bake sale, be a specific size, volunteer for every little shin dig, have perfect little children who sit perfectly still in church.

Jesus is inviting us to be with him and our father in heaven. And the only way we can make it back to them, to live with them in the Celestial Kingdom, is through the atonement and by being resurrected. Resurrection means finished, complete, whole, fully developed. Being resurrected equals perfection!

Grief/Trauma

I have been struggling with this new experience with all the associated trauma and grief. Some people have asked why I am upset, after all, Alyn wasn't my brother; I've had people try to compare their unique experience with my own; etc. etc. I have thought a lot about grief. This is what I have come up with.

One of my sister-in-laws explained her thoughts about grief being cyclical instead of linear; that she can move forward and upward, but she can still experience bad, hard, awful, triggered moments that move her downward. And then she moves forward and upward again and the cycle repeats.

To me, grief is grief; people are different. One thing can absolutely devastate someone and that same experience, to another person, could be the absolute easiest thing to over come. That being said, I HATE HATE HATE when people try to compare their experience with my own. 

This made me think about grief and trauma like an earth quake: the focus of the event has the most damaging effect, and the further you get away from the focus the less intense it is and the damage gets less and less. BUT, the shock waves of the focus are there and affect a lot more than we could ever imagine.

My goal is to care for those around me, to love them and their experiences, and to help them as best I can. I love in Revelation as John describes the celestial earth and how God the Father will be among us, that he will "wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things (the things as they are right now) are passed away" (21:4). I am praying for that day when wickedness, sadness, grief, and trauma are no longer on this earth and I won't have to watch the people I love suffer!

light of the world

The book of Revelation in the New Testament contains imagery of candlesticks. Imagery is such a powerful teaching tool because one image can mean SO many different things to SO many different people!

To me, you and I and all of us are the candlesticks. We are the instruments, the candlesticks, that hold up the light--which light, we learn in Matthew 5:14-16, is Jesus Christ. This includes our testimony, our example, and our love for each other.

The question is then, how high will you hold up your light?

Satan tries over and over and over to diminish, obstruct, or snuff out our light. This makes me think of the movie "The Never Ending Story" where Atreyu and Artax travel through the swamps of sadness. Satan wants us to give in to the sadness, to just sink into oblivion, but we need to keep the light of Jesus Christ burning brightly in our lives!

Bob Goff mentions dead reckoning in his book "Love Does". He and some of his buddies went on a sailing trip from the U.S. west coast to Hawaii without the proper training or instruments. They relied on fixing on a point and adjusting their course to keep it in sight. We need to keep ourselves turned towards the light of Jesus Christ and ever move toward him! And in His light we can feel that love and lightness and joy and happiness that everyone needs and craves for!

high school volleyball reoccurring dream

I have played volleyball for the majority of my life. I started in 9th grade, played in high school, played club, played in college, and now play pick-up games recreationally. I have had this dream so many times and it feels really authentic. So authentic, in fact, that there have been days where I actually believe I didn't play volleyball in high school! I have had to check year books and photos to sort through my confusion.

I have had the following reoccurring dream on-and-off for the past year:

I'm always in high school. And for some reason, I'm always in the hall ways, like I'm not supposed to be there. I can't remember where my locker is. On the lucky days I do find my locker, I can't remember what the combination is. I usually dial in random numbers and sometimes it opens. Inside the locker I see books, loose paper, pictures of an old locker mate I had in my actual high school, and candy. When the bell rings and people go off to class, I can't remember what class I have or where I'm supposed to go. I randomly pick a class and don't know anything they're talking about. In some version of this dream, some disaster happens (shooting, one of my actual kids is just out my reach to save them from something/someone). Through the entire dream, I am on the volleyball team, but I quit at the end of my junior year. And it almost feels like I drop out of school! I realize what a HUGE mistake I'm made and try and try and try to get back on the team. My coach won't acknowledge me. She won't tell me when try outs are for the following year. She won't let me back on the team. She won't let my teammates talk to me. She avoids me in the hallways. And when I sneak in the gym to practice, practice is cancelled! I finally wake up when I figure out when try outs are.

Diagnose that, Dr. Freud!

"find your Switzerland" C.O.P.S. 2015 Christmas Party

When I called Bob Goff, he told me to find people that I felt comfortable with, that I could be completely open and honest and be me, to find my Switzerland. Joe and I found that group of people with the Concerns Of Police Surviors (COPS) Arizona Chapter. They are amazing people! Who better to understand what we are going through than people who have gone through the exact same thing!

They recently had their Christmas Party. We packed up the kids and went to Phoenix.

We met SANTA.

We got our pictures taken in a photo booth. My favorite picture is the bottom left one. Jovi's face! I love it!

And each of the kids got to stuff a bear. This is Gracie. Jovi loves her.

I kind of don't want to leave Arizona because of this awesome group of people!

fear vs. faith

For the past 18 months I have been living in fear. If some random act (because that is exactly what the FBI labeled it) could take away Alyn, what was stopping the same thing from happening to my husband?

I had crippling anxiety every time Joe left the house! I imagined car accidents, drug-seeking psychos robbing the pharmacy, or some deranged person storming wherever Joe was for his next rotation. I have spent many hours wondering what I would/could do to support my children if anything every happened to Joe. 

Joe was home for a couple of days a while back and I relaxed; he was home, he was safe. That is when I knew that fear was running my life and something needed to change. 

1 John 4:18

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear."

In 1 Corinthians 13, we learn the many definitions of love. This chapter is directed toward the many different ways we can give love. But an interesting activity to do is read the chapter as the receiver of love; we all cannot give love all the time, someone has to be the receiver!  

Fear and faith CANNOT be in the same moment. Faith means:

1. To have confidence (full trust) in something or someone.

2. Is kindled by hearing testimonies of those who have faith.

3. Is a principle of action and power.

4. To move its possessor to some kind of physical and mental action.

When we are humble, we look to God; we care what is right, we want to do God's will, and we love people! When we express true faith we are promised many blessings. We are promised miracles, visions, dreams, healing, and ALL the gifts of God. 

Bob Goff: the phone call 10.23.15

I read a book called "Love Does" by Bob Goff. He relates his life's stories with lessons he has learned and how they relate to Jesus. IT. IS. AMAZING!! I'll chat for hours about this book to anyone and everyone. It is just that good! And I'll probably write more posts from what I have learned from him in the future.

At the end of the book he explains that Jesus loves people and he loves people, so if you want to chat with him about something in his book to call him! Yes. He gives his cell number so you can chat with him! It took me about 2 months to work up the courage to do so, but I finally called him last week. 

Mr. Goff was like a celebrity to me! I was SO nervous and excited to talk to him that I kind of exhaled a whole bunch of information that came out like, "Hi-My name is Amber Beck-I'm from Sahuarita, AZ-And I love your book!" Insert tears. Lot of them. "A year and a half ago my BIL was murdered. After it happened, I felt like God lifted me up and placed me on a different plane and has been leading me to find more love and joy and happiness when I most need it! And you're book was exactly what I needed! It was perfect timing!" He was so loving and understanding and a complete stranger! 

During the brief pause I had where I was trying to take some deep breaths and calm myself, Bob Goff said, "People are lame. They don't know what to say in those instances and don't know how to relate and they try to find some level where they can relate, 'Well, I had a puppy once and it died.' It's just not the same."

I asked him how to love the really hard people. He told me to read Phillipians 2, where we learn to esteem others as more worthy than us, which is just another name for grace. The verses that stuck out to me are in verses 3-5, 13-14.

"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves./ Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others./ Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus;/ For it is God which worth in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure./ Do all things without murmurings and disputing:/ That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;/ Holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither labored in vain."

Bob also told me to "capture the moments," to write down what I learn so I can teach others. He also said, "find the least creepiest explanation for why they are being lame." 

He related a story of when he was teaching inside a church. A lady in the front row was wearing a boa! Not a feathery boa, but a fangs and scales boa! He was so distracted. The least creepiest explanation he came up with is, maybe she didn't know! Maybe she was walking to church and the snake fell from the trees and landed on her! 

He also mentioned to find people like Switzerland where I feel safe to be me, where I freely talk about what's going on without repercussion. 

Anyway, I'm trying to love the people around me and show grace to those lamos when we meet. 

Revelation 12:14

"And to the woman were given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness, into her place, where she is nourished for a time, and times, and half a time, from the face of the serpent." i.e. the Great Apostasy

the woman = the church

the serpent = satan

The church was taken away from the earth for a time. 

My class discussed something about the apostasy that I had never thought of and, of course, I'm sharing with all y'all. After Christ was crucified, the people of that time and area went after the apostles until they were all killed or gone and the gospel was taken from the earth. God didn't take the gospel away as a punishment, rather he took the gospel away as a form of compassion. The people were not ready to accept and live the gospel, so by removing the gospel from the land, those people will not be held accountable for the truth and knowledge they did not have. Yet another way showing how loving and merciful our Father in Heaven is! 

take care. 

Bread of Life

Get ready for a mini talk! One of my goals this year is to get closer to Christ. Things are starting to open up for me and are becoming “plain and simple”. I want to share one of the insights I received recently. 

I love the duality of the scriptures and how you can learn multiple things from one scripture; even two different people can learn completely different things from the same scripture! I have been studying the different names of Christ. One name that stood out to me is “bread”:

John 6:35, 51

“And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst. … I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever: and the bread that I will give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”

The bread Christ is talking about is the atonement! We eat bread during the sacrament to remember the body of Jesus Christ.

Alma 5:34

“Yea, he saith: ‘Come unto me and ye shall partake of the fruit of the tree of life; yea, ye shall eat and drink of the bread and the waters of life freely;”

Two additional names of Christ are Vine and Living Water. Vine and Water can also be tied to the sacrament through our drinking of the sacramental waters in remembrance of Christ’s blood. 

In 2 Nephi 32:3, he tells us to “feast upon the words of Christ”! All this imagery is about food and drink, and Christ wants us to feast upon them! Christ wants us to enjoy and savor and appreciate and enjoy the atonement. He wants us to use it, not just passively eat and drink a morsel each Sunday.

In the Old Testament, there is a story about God feeding the children of Israel manna and quail. The bread fell from the sky! This was in similitude of Christ’s atonement! Christ was physically feeding them, but would eventually spiritually feed them as well through the atonement! 

Revelation 2:17

“He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna, and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth it.”

Through the restoration of the gospel, we have the opportunity to go through the temple. Not only do we enjoy the blessings of baptism and the sacrament, we get to receive the blessings through the temple ordinances as well! 

Christ is the living bread! The scriptures are plain and simple and they are beautiful! 

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

When I read the sacramental prayer again, I saw how beautiful the prayer really is! We have all heard the different names of Christ, but have you stopped to think about the meaning of those names? --Advocate, Gatekeeper, Holy One, Bread, Lion, Rock, Shepherd, Morning Star, Captain of Salvation, Commander, Door, Son. 

“O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of they Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of the Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them, that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen.”

book review: A Noble Masquerade

PG

I LOVED this book! I sat down yesterday before church and finished it last night. Good characters. Good story. Good writing. I seriously want to read it again. Right now!

Lady Miranda Hawthorne feels like a spinster at the ripe ole' age of 21. She is trying to be herself while being a lady and finding a husband who loves her for her and not for her family's fame and fortune. 

There is comedy, drama, action, and love. It reminded me a bit of "Pride and Prejudice". 

**I received a copy of this book from the publisher. This review is my own and I was not compensated for my opinion.

book review: Taken

PG

I finished this book a long long LONG time ago. I just couldn't make myself write a review because this book wasted my time and it made me uber mad. The first sentence on the book jacket specifically says that Shannon was abducted by the Jacoby crime family, but for the fist 200+ pages (Yes, 200+ pages!!), Shannon will not talk about who abducted her! Seriously? I know who abducted you because of the jacket. Get on with the story!

After the big reveal that the Jacoby family abducted her, the story finally moved forward and it was an interesting read. 

*I received a free copy of this book to review. I was not compensated.

book review: From the Start

PG

I loved this book! The characters and story were so well written that I couldn't put the book down; my house and kids suffered for the two days it took me to read this. 

Kate and Colton seem like every-day people that I'd meet on the street, except they are both semi-celebrities. I love that they both overcame their back stories in a very human way that was more realistic than fantasy. I also loved that they showed real human emotions that actually helped other people. Both Kate and Colton showed real love toward a lot of people, including strangers. This is a story that more people need to emulate in every-day life. 

**I received a free copy of this book from Bethany House publishers. This review is my own opinion. I was not compensated in any way.

BofM365: Omni 1:1-11

Day 90

Q: Why is it important to keep records of your family? Why should we keep a journal?

It's easier for me to connect with people that I know something about. Keeping a record allows future generations to connect with us on a personal level. I think it's important even now to share stories and memories with my kids about their aunts and uncles and grandparents so they get to know these family members that they don't get to see very often who love them. Writing down truths and experiences now even helps me remember.