My husband can tell you the exact number of days since Alyn was murdered. I have nightmares of Alyn's death where I play over and over the events of June 8. Recently Alyn's youngest daughter turned one. This is a video Nicole made for her:
This video is hard to watch, but it is good to see Alyn again, to hear his voice.
People ask how Joe and I are doing. I really don't know how to answer that question. Right now is a kind of transitioning stage where everything feels different and looks different. Joe and I are happy. But it's a different happy with an ever present sadness. Our normal has forever changed and we're just trying to find our new normal.
After the burial and luncheon, a few of us headed back to Scott and Bri's house with hot chocolate in hand; Joe and I with Scott and Bri, and Bob and Liz following behind. I don't know what happened or how it happened. I do know that Scott flipped his car around and Bob and Liz were sideways in a ditch, their car smoking! In a flurry of moments everyone and everything was safe--except their car. We definitely had angels with us that day. Scott even joked that we were keeping Alyn busy.
We are not alone in this mortal journey. We have a father in Heaven and an elder brother who loves us dearly; they know us individually, they love us individually! We have friends and family who are physically around us who love us as well. I wish with my entire being that Alyn didn't have to be in Heaven right now, but I am comforted to know that he is now part of a heavenly army that is willing and ready to protect each one of us.
Star Valley provided their own honor guard. They did a 21 gun salute, played their bagpipes, and gave Nicole these gloves and flag from the casket.
It was cold and windy but beautiful. Spending a week dealing with the sadness and grief didn't lessen it any. The program following the honor guard was brief. We sang "God Be With You 'til We Meet Again" and Alyn's dad dedicated the grave.
Just like that, the past eight, horrific, emotional days were over. Now we had to go home and cope and grieve.
Scott and Bri live in Star Valley. Every week they visit Alyn's grave and place a new flower arrangement. We all live so far away and scattered. Thanks Scott and Bri. You're good people!
The plan was to bury Alyn in Star Valley, Wyoming. We all hopped in our cars and drove to Salt Lake City, Utah where we met Nicole, her kids, her parents, and Alyn at the airport. Joe and I drove with Scott and Bri, who are a couple of the nicest, funniest, most generous people I know and I'm proud to call them family.
The hangar was so big and empty and quiet. Southwest Airlines had a table full of drinks and treats for us and a couple of rows of chairs for us to sit on. When they brought Alyn's casket inside, they draped it with another flag and our family took the casket to the hearse.
Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, and Nevada police escorted the funeral procession to Star Valley. There were even police and civilians lining the streets and exits as we drove along, their lights flashing, their hands over their hearts, and flag flying.
After Thursday and visiting Cici's, I kind of checked out. My post-pregnant body was exhausted and I was emotionally beat up. The walls I had built to support Joe through the first couple of days collapsed. And I crumbled.
The funeral procession started at Palm Mortuary and ended at the Smith Center.
It was peaceful in the car I was in. As we drove along the route to the Smith Center, I watched police officers and civilians along the street salute and place their hands over their hearts. I saw love. I saw respect. I saw sadness. We drove under a huge American flag billowing softly in the breeze, held fast by two fire trucks.
Police officers lined the drive way, all standing at attention. Inside the car it was silent. I soaked in all the sights and feelings. We parked and walked inside to a private room and watched as the honor guard prepared to escort Alyn's casket into the building. We, as a family, walked down a flight of stairs and met the casket as it, and we, prepared to enter the performance hall.
The performance hall was quiet. I could hear random coughing, sniffling, and hushed conversation. I could hear peaceful singing coming from the top of the room. I followed my family forward and found a seat. The performance hall was huge! It had the main floor and then balcony upon balcony upon balcony. There were so many people there! All who loved Alyn.
I have never been before to a funeral that had an honor guard. The music from the pipe band and drums is a hauntingly beautiful thing to experience. I could feel the drums before seeing the band and can't quite explain the resonance and affect they had on my spirit. They escorted Alyn's casket into the room where someone placed Alyn's hat on the casket.
The funeral was amazing! I'm so glad it was televised and recorded because I forgot a lot of what was said and what happened. Friends from the police force prayed and spoke. Alyn's sergeant and sheriff spoke. There was a family song and Joe and Elizabeth gave the life sketch. Elder Terry Wade, an Area Seventy, even spoke and read a letter written by the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
But the best part of the funeral, for me, was the talk given by Tracy Truman.
The funeral continued outside where law enforcement continued to honor Alyn. We sat under an awning. We were seated in a grassy park. Birds were chirping. Bells were tolling. I watched row after row of police officers walk by Alyn's casket and salute their fallen brother. Different members would break off and present Nicole, Daxton, and Avi a flag or a coin or a badge, each hugging Nicole and her kids.
At the end of the services, dispatch does a final call for the fallen officer. It happens around minute 18 in the video.
It was nice finally having Joe next to me. He dragged my chair closer to his and held my hand the entire time. We got to spend another minute and say another goodbye to Alyn before they loaded it into the hearse.
