BofM365: 1 Nephi 20:1-22

Day 31

Q: How have you been refined by the Lord and what have you gained from the experience?

AMBER: Oh boy. It feels like I'm in the midst of being refined and would like to get out of the fire! Verse 18: "O that thou hadst hearkened to my commandments! Then had thy peace been as a river, and thy righteousness as thew aves of the sea;" Even during those refining moments, if we have prepared our lamps and filled it with oil, we can feel that peace only the Savior can give us during those refining moments.

LIZ: I was reading in 1 Nephi 20:22 and it has given me cause to ponder: why is it that the wicked never find peace? What is it about turning away from the Lord that inhibits our ability to experience tranquility and a sense of calmness?

AMBER: I've been watching a lot of documentaries. Some about killers. In each show they talk about how the killers find "peace" in the evil acts they commit.

LIZ: We know Satan can mimic things of the Spirit and if these killers were truly feeling peace it would only seem logical that they wouldn't have to commit additional murders to find it again. Similar to pleasure vs. joy. One is short lived, the other is eternal.

BofM365: 1 Nephi 18:21-19:6

Day 29

Q: How is Nephi a type of Christ? Or, how does Nephi remind you of Christ?

LIZ: 1 Nephi 19:2; even prophets aren't given all knowledge, they are asked to act in faith just like the rest of us. Nepali is a type of Christ because he is slow to anger and quick to forgive.
AMBER: Nephi saved an entire nation! I am always amazed by his ability to love; even those that bound him and beat him.

pray always

One of the BIGGEST lessons I have learned in the past 8 months is that I have a Father in Heaven who LISTENS to my prayers. He LOVES me. He KNOWS me. He ANSWERS me.

A recent Sunday was dedicated to family and pray. A cute family of six sang "Families Can Be Together Forever".

I have a fam'ly here on earth.
They are so good to me.
I want to share my life with them through all eternity.

(Chorus): Fam'lies can be together forever
Through Heav'nly Father's plan.
I always want to be with my own family,
And the Lord has shown me how I can.
The Lord has shown me how I can.

While I am in my early years,
I'll prepare most carefully,
So I can marry in God's temple for eternity.

Such a sweet song sung by a sweet family!

In my women's meeting, we talked about praying always. All the stories that were shared were all ones I needed to hear: God wants to help us so we need to let him! I couldn't help but think about Alyn and Nicole and I just bawled and bawled. What an unfair situation we have all been thrust into. Right now I need to just keep reminding myself that God is my Father in Heaven. I need to remember that I am his daughter. I need to remember that Jesus Christ's atonement will make all wrongs right. I need to remember that I am loved. 

BofM365: 2 Nephi 18:1-22

Day 56

Q: What new insights did you find this time?

I have also had trouble with the Isaiah chapters and have felt confused over Nephi's comment that Isaiah is "plain and simple". BYUtv.org has a lot of resources where BYU professors talk about Isaiah chapter by chapter. In versus 13-14 I love the imagery that Christ is a "stone of stumbling" and a "rock of defense"; no matter how many times we stumble and sin, Christ and his atonement are there to lift us up and become our defense. Nothing can tear us down when we are firmly and solidly built on the foundation of Christ!  

denial

I have found a little home nestled deep within denial. The past 8 months have been unbelievable. Every. Single. Time. I think about June 8 I shake my head in unbelief and don't want to believe it really happened. It just doesn't make sense!

I am a migraine sufferer. I used to get them a lot when I was younger because I would worry and stress over a lot of things I couldn't control. I found a way to deal with stress and the migraines happened less frequently. And then I moved to Arizona where the sun is always shining and I started exercising. I haven't been able to control my water intake and retention and have been getting a migraine every time I exercise. Last week I had such a bad migraine that I ended up in the ER. My denial about Alyn is so solid that stress didn't even cross my mind as a reason for this headache.

In the past 12 months I have:

• had a baby
• lost a brother in law
• experienced 3 major holidays
• started exercising
• lost 15 pounds
• been home alone a lot because my husband is in graduate school/rotations

Yeesh! 

This last migraine that landed me in the ER was the worst headache I have every had. Joe had just finished his winter rotation, so we drove to a pizza joint so we could play together. I drove. When I got out of the car my entire right side of my body was numb. My foot was so numb I had a hard time keeping my shoe on. We got inside and the headache hit! It cleared enough I took Makenzie to the car where I started throwing up. Joe and the kids finished and came outside. And that is all I completely remember, the rest is blurry. I remember getting gas. I remember throwing up more and more. I remember still being numb. Joe took me to Urgent Care. They apparently gave me fluids and medicine. They apparently checked to see if I was pregnant. They eventually kicked us out at 8:00 p.m. (they close at 7) and recommended we go to the ER. We drove home to check on our kids (our Home Teacher came over and stayed with them) and went to the hospital. Joe checked me in and we waited. I remember bits and pieces of this place. They gave me more fluids and more meds. The nurse accused me of going to the hospital for JUST a headache. Joe took me home and I was finally able to fall asleep. 

What a HUGE wake up call that I need to do something, anything, to work through what has happened to me over the past 12 months; I obviously haven't handled all of them with as much skill and grace as I thought.

as an ensign

I want to be more like my Savior. I want to be close to him. I want to know him. I want to feel him in my day-to-day life.

Today, reading in the book of Isaiah I learned a couple of things.

In Isaiah 5:20 it reads, "Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter."

There have been a lot of worldly views that have been thrust into the spotlight recently; same sex marriage and physician assisted suicide to name just two. God has spoken time and time again about the sanctity of the human life he created. He does not want ANYONE to take those lives away. Period. God has also spoken time and time again on how marriage should be between a man and a woman. Period. What God has spoken should be enough. His word should count for more than it does.

I am learning that the more I come unto Christ I can recognize his voice better and more clearly. I am also learning that I can talk to Christ and that he listens and he hears and he answers. I can ask any question about anything, either big or small. If it is important to me, it is important to him.

#policelivesmatter