"this has been a crapper of a week"

Life is unfair. But it will be just. 

Those of us who wanted to went to the Cici's where Alyn and Igor were shot on Thursday. 

A memorial to Alyn and Igor had been growing since Sunday. This is where it hit me on how big of an impact this evil act had affected not only the families of those killed, but the entire community, state, country, and world. People had come together. They were helping each other. They were mourning with each other. They were loving each other. It didn't matter what religion, political views, race, ethnicity people were. People were hurting and this is how they could "bear one another's burdens" and "mourn with those that mourn" Mosiah 8:9; Galatians 6:2.

Several police officers who responded to the call joined with us inside Cici's and were very candid about what happened at Cici's and over at Wal Mart. Alyn and Igor had stopped at this restaurant after a call they had responded to earlier that morning. They were eating lunch when the shooters, who had been trolling for cops, entered the restaurant, walked over to their table, shot Igor, and then shot Alyn.

What cowardice! What evil! What senseless violence!

It is unfair that a father of a little boy will not see him grow up. It is unfair that he won't physically be there for his wife. It is unfair that a father of three won't get to see graduations, missions, weddings, grandkids. It is unfair that he won't grow old with his wife. It is unfair that a young man was killed trying to do the right thing, stand up to evil, and protect others.

Life is unfair. But it will be just.

Today. Right now. Life feels unfair. But there is hope. I believe that there is a God in Heaven who loves his Earthly children. I believe He sent his son, Jesus Christ, to atone for all of us. To me, this means Jesus knows me, He loves me, and He has perfect empathy for my sorrows and my joys. I believe that what we do here on Earth impacts our eternal existence and we will be rewarded or punished accordingly; good for good, evil for evil. I believe we can and we will live with our families forever. I believe that I will see Alyn again; he will be healthy and whole and cracking jokes like he normally does. He's gonna have that goofy grin and sparkle in his eye and he is going to be so happy! 

igor soldo

As a family, we decided to attend Igor Soldo's funeral. Nicole, her parents, her sister, her brother, Alyn's parents, and five of Alyn's siblings were escorted to and from the services by police (we didn't have to wait for red lights, stop signs, other cars, merging traffic, etc.). I've never been to a cop funeral before, or any funeral for our armed forces. It is absolutely amazing how much respect and honor they have for each other and the families of their fallen. Our armed forces really are a band of brothers. As we approached the building, we walked down between two rows of officers that were standing at attention. I think we all lost it a minute and luckily were able to compose ourselves in a private room. 

It was good to learn more about Igor: who he was, who his family is, and what kind of dynamic he and Alyn most likely had. Igor was a son. A brother. A husband. And a father.

Igor's little boy is not yet one years-old. You can see in the video above and from the speeches given by Igor's friends during the funeral that Igor absolutely ADORED his little boy. 

Igor's wife, Andrea, at the end of the funeral. Absolutely heartbreaking that she is now a young widow with a young son. 

Igor's brother, Robert, did an amazing job giving his speech during the funeral. The Soldo family came to Alyn's funeral as well. Robert, Andrea, and the rest of the Soldo clan stayed until the very end of the funeral and met and chatted with Alyn's family. Robert came to hug me and tripped on my diaper bag. "I must be careful," he said in his thick Bosnian accent. "If I trip and fall, I will squish someone."

Robert is a BIG man. And so is his little brother. Igor sounded like a taller, broader version of Alyn: kind, compassionate, a jokester, loyal, dependable, fierce, strong, fun, lovable.

band of brothers

One thing that really impressed me was the camaraderie that law enforcement share. The honor, the respect, the love they have for each other is palpable and very touching. Every where we traveled as a family there was law enforcement showing their respect for us, as Alyn's family, and for Alyn. 

Law enforcement agencies from Utah, Nevada, Wyoming, and Idaho at Alyn's internment.

Police officers at the Idaho/Wyoming border.

Police badges from different agencies at Alyn's funeral.

My perspective on law enforcement has changed DRAMATICALLY since Alyn was killed. They are just men and women putting their lives in harms way to protect our freedoms. They have families. They have houses. They have troubles. They are humans. The following article has made it's way around Facebook, but I wanted a link here as well. Tracy Smith knew Alyn and loved Alyn--you couldn't help not love Alyn once you met him. I love Tracy's article, "Killing A Cop Doesn't Make You a Revolutionary" .

we are all brothers and sisters

Joe and I found out the funeral plans, which included a lot of memorials for Alyn and Igor and burying Alyn in Wyoming, and made our travel arrangements: we would fly to Las Vegas, drive to Wyoming, and fly back to Tucson.

I found a family in our church to watch Corban and Jovi, which meant we would take Makenzie with us in all our travels. Joe and I were a little nervous about traveling with a 4 week old infant, so we put together a little ziploc bag for each passenger on our flight. Each bag had a few Starburst candies and a note which read:

Hi. My name is Makenzie. I am one month old and
this is my first flight. I have never flown before so
I do not know how I'm gonna do. My parents and I are flying
to go to my Uncle Alyn's funeral. I shouldn't even
be on this flight so I hope to not interrupt your flight too much.
Here is a little treat to help pass the time and my mom and
dad have ear plugs if you need them.

When we got to the airport a big Las Vegas Metro police officer met us on the airplane. He grabbed Joe in a big bear hug, hugged me, took Makenzie, and zipped us off the plane. He took us through the airport, past security, out a side door and into a squad car. He then went off to baggage claim to get our bags. While we waited for our bags our niece, Madison, and her husband, Evan, pulled up in another squad car. This was the first of many family hugs where we shed many tears. 

The out pouring of support and love I felt from the Las Vegas Metro Police Department was amazing! They took care of everything and everyone. They had a police detail outside of Alyn's house, they escorted the family to and from a lot of different places, they even were concerned enough with me and Makenzie that several offered to hold her. They talked with us, they laughed with us, they cried with us, because for them, they had lost a brother as well. 

Even the community was deeply affected by this tragedy. A memorial grew bigger and bigger outside of CiCi's Pizza through out the entire week for Alyn and Igor; fundraisers were set up for Alyn, Igor, and Joseph Wilcox (the civilian killed in Wal Mart); bank accounts were set up for each of the victims's families; and even the funerals were televised so the community could mourn as well. 

It's heartbreaking when the world is faced with so much evil. But it is over whelming to see people stand up to that evil with love and good and hope. We are all just brothers and sisters on this Earth for a probationary time. We are here to gain experience. To love. To serve. And the world lost three great examples of that in Alyn, Igor and Joseph. 

what would you say?

What would you say to the world, your community, your spouse, your kids, your family if today was your last day on Earth?

I have been thinking about this lately and will be telling my family, my kids, and my spouse what they mean to me. No regrets.

even the strong need strength from others

From Sunday to Wednesday Joe and I waited for word about Alyn's funeral arrangements and what other family members were going to do about travel and such. Those were the longest days of my life. 

I was in a hazy fog. I had a 5 year old, a 2 year old, and a 3 week old to take care of but all I wanted to do was lay in bed. I wanted someone to shake me awake and tell me that I had been dreaming and everything and everyone was okay. I was in denial. Luckily we have amazing friends and church members here. They brought over meals and snacks. They took Corban and Jovi over to their houses so they could play. They came to our house to offer counsel and administer blessings. They brought toys and muffins for all three kids. 

I've been trying to write for the past few minutes how Alyn's death affected my husband, but I can't. He lost his brother, his friend, and his hero. He loved him so much. And he was shattered. He laid in bed for those first few days, zoned out to the world.  

I tried keeping it together enough to let him have this time to try and make sense of things. And it was hard. Someone watched out kids on Tuesday. At this point we were going to drive to Las Vegas so I declared we were getting out of the house to go to get supplies for our trip. We made it down the street before I was struck with the second of three migraines I would get that week. We went home and Joe took care of me. We kind of switched roles--one would be okay while the other cried and vice versa. 

Sometimes even the strong need strength from others. 

I was reminded of Jesus Christ's experience in The Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus went into the garden with his apostles to pray and to fulfill the atonement. While he was praying, an angel appeared and gave him strength (Luke 22:43). Jesus Christ is the one perfect being on this entire planet and he needed strength from an outside source to finish the hard thing set before him. 

I know that because of Jesus Christ's atonement he has perfect empathy toward anything I will ever experience. I also know that it is through the atonement of Jesus Christ that will eventually lift me out of this hazy fog and that my husband and his family will eventually feel peace and happiness again.

tribute video

Miss you Alyn!