high school volleyball reoccurring dream

I have played volleyball for the majority of my life. I started in 9th grade, played in high school, played club, played in college, and now play pick-up games recreationally. I have had this dream so many times and it feels really authentic. So authentic, in fact, that there have been days where I actually believe I didn't play volleyball in high school! I have had to check year books and photos to sort through my confusion.

I have had the following reoccurring dream on-and-off for the past year:

I'm always in high school. And for some reason, I'm always in the hall ways, like I'm not supposed to be there. I can't remember where my locker is. On the lucky days I do find my locker, I can't remember what the combination is. I usually dial in random numbers and sometimes it opens. Inside the locker I see books, loose paper, pictures of an old locker mate I had in my actual high school, and candy. When the bell rings and people go off to class, I can't remember what class I have or where I'm supposed to go. I randomly pick a class and don't know anything they're talking about. In some version of this dream, some disaster happens (shooting, one of my actual kids is just out my reach to save them from something/someone). Through the entire dream, I am on the volleyball team, but I quit at the end of my junior year. And it almost feels like I drop out of school! I realize what a HUGE mistake I'm made and try and try and try to get back on the team. My coach won't acknowledge me. She won't tell me when try outs are for the following year. She won't let me back on the team. She won't let my teammates talk to me. She avoids me in the hallways. And when I sneak in the gym to practice, practice is cancelled! I finally wake up when I figure out when try outs are.

Diagnose that, Dr. Freud!

"find your Switzerland" C.O.P.S. 2015 Christmas Party

When I called Bob Goff, he told me to find people that I felt comfortable with, that I could be completely open and honest and be me, to find my Switzerland. Joe and I found that group of people with the Concerns Of Police Surviors (COPS) Arizona Chapter. They are amazing people! Who better to understand what we are going through than people who have gone through the exact same thing!

They recently had their Christmas Party. We packed up the kids and went to Phoenix.

We met SANTA.

We got our pictures taken in a photo booth. My favorite picture is the bottom left one. Jovi's face! I love it!

And each of the kids got to stuff a bear. This is Gracie. Jovi loves her.

I kind of don't want to leave Arizona because of this awesome group of people!

fear vs. faith

For the past 18 months I have been living in fear. If some random act (because that is exactly what the FBI labeled it) could take away Alyn, what was stopping the same thing from happening to my husband?

I had crippling anxiety every time Joe left the house! I imagined car accidents, drug-seeking psychos robbing the pharmacy, or some deranged person storming wherever Joe was for his next rotation. I have spent many hours wondering what I would/could do to support my children if anything every happened to Joe. 

Joe was home for a couple of days a while back and I relaxed; he was home, he was safe. That is when I knew that fear was running my life and something needed to change. 

1 John 4:18

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear."

In 1 Corinthians 13, we learn the many definitions of love. This chapter is directed toward the many different ways we can give love. But an interesting activity to do is read the chapter as the receiver of love; we all cannot give love all the time, someone has to be the receiver!  

Fear and faith CANNOT be in the same moment. Faith means:

1. To have confidence (full trust) in something or someone.

2. Is kindled by hearing testimonies of those who have faith.

3. Is a principle of action and power.

4. To move its possessor to some kind of physical and mental action.

When we are humble, we look to God; we care what is right, we want to do God's will, and we love people! When we express true faith we are promised many blessings. We are promised miracles, visions, dreams, healing, and ALL the gifts of God. 

Bob Goff: the phone call 10.23.15

I read a book called "Love Does" by Bob Goff. He relates his life's stories with lessons he has learned and how they relate to Jesus. IT. IS. AMAZING!! I'll chat for hours about this book to anyone and everyone. It is just that good! And I'll probably write more posts from what I have learned from him in the future.

At the end of the book he explains that Jesus loves people and he loves people, so if you want to chat with him about something in his book to call him! Yes. He gives his cell number so you can chat with him! It took me about 2 months to work up the courage to do so, but I finally called him last week. 

Mr. Goff was like a celebrity to me! I was SO nervous and excited to talk to him that I kind of exhaled a whole bunch of information that came out like, "Hi-My name is Amber Beck-I'm from Sahuarita, AZ-And I love your book!" Insert tears. Lot of them. "A year and a half ago my BIL was murdered. After it happened, I felt like God lifted me up and placed me on a different plane and has been leading me to find more love and joy and happiness when I most need it! And you're book was exactly what I needed! It was perfect timing!" He was so loving and understanding and a complete stranger! 

During the brief pause I had where I was trying to take some deep breaths and calm myself, Bob Goff said, "People are lame. They don't know what to say in those instances and don't know how to relate and they try to find some level where they can relate, 'Well, I had a puppy once and it died.' It's just not the same."

I asked him how to love the really hard people. He told me to read Phillipians 2, where we learn to esteem others as more worthy than us, which is just another name for grace. The verses that stuck out to me are in verses 3-5, 13-14.

"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves./ Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others./ Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus;/ For it is God which worth in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure./ Do all things without murmurings and disputing:/ That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;/ Holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither labored in vain."

Bob also told me to "capture the moments," to write down what I learn so I can teach others. He also said, "find the least creepiest explanation for why they are being lame." 

He related a story of when he was teaching inside a church. A lady in the front row was wearing a boa! Not a feathery boa, but a fangs and scales boa! He was so distracted. The least creepiest explanation he came up with is, maybe she didn't know! Maybe she was walking to church and the snake fell from the trees and landed on her! 

He also mentioned to find people like Switzerland where I feel safe to be me, where I freely talk about what's going on without repercussion. 

Anyway, I'm trying to love the people around me and show grace to those lamos when we meet. 

Revelation 12:14

"And to the woman were given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness, into her place, where she is nourished for a time, and times, and half a time, from the face of the serpent." i.e. the Great Apostasy

the woman = the church

the serpent = satan

The church was taken away from the earth for a time. 

My class discussed something about the apostasy that I had never thought of and, of course, I'm sharing with all y'all. After Christ was crucified, the people of that time and area went after the apostles until they were all killed or gone and the gospel was taken from the earth. God didn't take the gospel away as a punishment, rather he took the gospel away as a form of compassion. The people were not ready to accept and live the gospel, so by removing the gospel from the land, those people will not be held accountable for the truth and knowledge they did not have. Yet another way showing how loving and merciful our Father in Heaven is! 

take care. 

Bread of Life

Get ready for a mini talk! One of my goals this year is to get closer to Christ. Things are starting to open up for me and are becoming “plain and simple”. I want to share one of the insights I received recently. 

I love the duality of the scriptures and how you can learn multiple things from one scripture; even two different people can learn completely different things from the same scripture! I have been studying the different names of Christ. One name that stood out to me is “bread”:

John 6:35, 51

“And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst. … I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever: and the bread that I will give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”

The bread Christ is talking about is the atonement! We eat bread during the sacrament to remember the body of Jesus Christ.

Alma 5:34

“Yea, he saith: ‘Come unto me and ye shall partake of the fruit of the tree of life; yea, ye shall eat and drink of the bread and the waters of life freely;”

Two additional names of Christ are Vine and Living Water. Vine and Water can also be tied to the sacrament through our drinking of the sacramental waters in remembrance of Christ’s blood. 

In 2 Nephi 32:3, he tells us to “feast upon the words of Christ”! All this imagery is about food and drink, and Christ wants us to feast upon them! Christ wants us to enjoy and savor and appreciate and enjoy the atonement. He wants us to use it, not just passively eat and drink a morsel each Sunday.

In the Old Testament, there is a story about God feeding the children of Israel manna and quail. The bread fell from the sky! This was in similitude of Christ’s atonement! Christ was physically feeding them, but would eventually spiritually feed them as well through the atonement! 

Revelation 2:17

“He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna, and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth it.”

Through the restoration of the gospel, we have the opportunity to go through the temple. Not only do we enjoy the blessings of baptism and the sacrament, we get to receive the blessings through the temple ordinances as well! 

Christ is the living bread! The scriptures are plain and simple and they are beautiful! 

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

When I read the sacramental prayer again, I saw how beautiful the prayer really is! We have all heard the different names of Christ, but have you stopped to think about the meaning of those names? --Advocate, Gatekeeper, Holy One, Bread, Lion, Rock, Shepherd, Morning Star, Captain of Salvation, Commander, Door, Son. 

“O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of they Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of the Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them, that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen.”

book review: A Noble Masquerade

PG

I LOVED this book! I sat down yesterday before church and finished it last night. Good characters. Good story. Good writing. I seriously want to read it again. Right now!

Lady Miranda Hawthorne feels like a spinster at the ripe ole' age of 21. She is trying to be herself while being a lady and finding a husband who loves her for her and not for her family's fame and fortune. 

There is comedy, drama, action, and love. It reminded me a bit of "Pride and Prejudice". 

**I received a copy of this book from the publisher. This review is my own and I was not compensated for my opinion.