as an ensign

I want to be more like my Savior. I want to be close to him. I want to know him. I want to feel him in my day-to-day life.

Today, reading in the book of Isaiah I learned a couple of things.

In Isaiah 5:20 it reads, "Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter."

There have been a lot of worldly views that have been thrust into the spotlight recently; same sex marriage and physician assisted suicide to name just two. God has spoken time and time again about the sanctity of the human life he created. He does not want ANYONE to take those lives away. Period. God has also spoken time and time again on how marriage should be between a man and a woman. Period. What God has spoken should be enough. His word should count for more than it does.

I am learning that the more I come unto Christ I can recognize his voice better and more clearly. I am also learning that I can talk to Christ and that he listens and he hears and he answers. I can ask any question about anything, either big or small. If it is important to me, it is important to him.

#policelivesmatter

blood of the innocent

I recently blogged about being stuck, about not being able to move forward. I didn't want to pray. I didn't want to read my scriptures. I didn't want to listen to the modern-day prophets. I can't give a specific instance, but I got the kick in the pants I needed and am trying to get and stay closer to the two beings who know EXACTLY and COMPLETELY what I am experiencing. 

This is what I have learned:

In The Book of Mormon, Alma and Amulek are forced to watch innocent women and children burned. Amulek cannot take it any more and asks why. Why do we have to watch this? Why can't we save them? Alma responds that he cannot save them because the spirit is stopping him because:

"the Lord receiveth them up unto himself, in glory; and he doth suffer that they may do this thing, or that the people may do this thing unto them, according to the hardness of their hearts, that the judgments which he shall exercise upon them in his wrath may be just; and the blood of the innocent shall stand as a witness against them, yea and cry mightily against them at the last days."

In the parable of the wheat and the tares, the servants of the householder discovered tares growing among the wheat. The servants asked the householder if they should go and rip out the tares, but the householder told them no! He didn't want to risk the servants ripping out those good shoots of wheat while they were trying to rip out the bad tares. The householder told his servants, "Let both grow together until the harvest: and in the time of the harvest I will say to the reapers, Gather ye together first the tares, and bind them in bundles to burn them: but gather the wheat into my barn." 

I recently watched a documentary on 9/11 called, "Out of the Clear Blue Sky". The interviews with survivors and families who lost people in the attacks were very poignant and, unfortunately, I could relate to. I sobbed and sobbed! Because of the choices of two evil people, June 8, 2014 changed my life forever; a life that I did not want changed.

I don't know a lot of the why's surrounding Alyn's murder. I may never know. But I do know that families are forever. And that will have to do for now.

just keep running

On September 27, 2014 I ran/walked this route in honor of Alyn. A lot of the Beck family was in Las Vegas, NV running in the Saints and Sinners half marathon. Joe and I wanted to do something in Sahuarita, so we ran our own 5k, which I found out later was actually a lot further than the initial 3.11 miles. I hadn't ran for very long before this date and was sorely unprepared. I ended up walking a lot of it mainly because I couldn't and because it was dark dark dark outside. There was a thunderstorm brewing in the distance, bugs were attracted to my head lamp, and bats were buzzing me trying to eat the bugs around me.

On December 6, 2014 I ran this route again. I have been running pretty consistently since September and was better prepared for this run. I got sick and had to take a minor break. My goal is still to run in a half marathon with my family next year in Las Vegas.

I miss Alyn and hurt for the pain and loss of so many of my loved ones. I usually end up crying, but it is good to remember and talk about Alyn.

public servants appreciation day

With all the hate toward police right now, Joe and I wanted to show our support for our local law enforcement agencies. We donned our Alyn and Igor t-shirts and went to the fair.

The Tucson Trafic Police gave Corban and Jovi a bear that they played with for hours! They even named them: Willy Wonder Flufter (Jovi) and Zombie Slayer (Corban) or something similar.

Corban happend to wear his Minecraft TNT bomb squad shirt and got to get his picture with an actual bomb squad suit!

 Joe bought tickets for everyone to ride the horses. Jovi was so excited about the brown horse and would have ridden the horses all day if we would have let her. Corban was a little hesitant, but wanted to go again once the ride was over.

 Jovi's sucker fell apart (the stick fell out) so she naturally picked the sucker off the grass, picked off the yucky parts, occasionally wiping them on my leg, and proceeded to lick the sucker from her hand.

We met the organizer of the fair, who happens to run a foundation in honor of her fallen LEO husband, Nohemy Hite. You can read more about her and her foundation here. When Joe and I are alone we can freely and openly talk about Alyn without getting overly emotional, but we kind of lose it when others join in on the conversation. Joe can still tell you the exact number of days since Alyn was murdered (which is 183 in case you were wondering). We shared a moment with Nohemy where we all cried and hugged at the loss we all shared and understood. My heart still breaks for the pain and loss of so many of my loved ones.

A HUGE thank you to all the public servants who fight tirelessly to serve and protect the public population!

book review: The Patmos Deception

PG

Meh. The story read fast, but it had a choppy flow. The book is a fictional travel book; the characters were involved in a fictional story but there were a lot of historical facts and regional language, which I found boring in parts. The ending just sort of stopped. I didn't feel any kind of closure and it didn't answer a couple questions I had. Specifically, who did Carey choose?!

** I received a copy of this book from the publisher.

book review: Playing By Heart

G

Personal things had been happening while reading this book that I could completely relate to Lula Bowman. This story was sad, fun, humorous, and tragic. I loved it! It reads fast and the story smoothly flows. I would definitely recommend this book.

**I received a copy of this book by the publishers.