Dilation and Curettage (D&C)

It has been over a week since I had my D&C procedure. I've had mixed emotions about writing this post, but here it goes. 

Once Joe and I found out there was no baby and I decided to get the D&C, everything happened so quickly. I called the doctor and the NEXT day I was scheduled to go to the hospital for surgery. I knew what was happening and why it was happening, but I don't think my heart and my mind had caught up with each other until several days later. 

A D&C procedure is when the doctor scrapes your uterine wall and suctions out the material. I have never had surgery before on anything so this was quite the experience! The hospital staff at St. Joseph's Hospital was very kind and compassionate. The nurses kept hugging me and telling me how sorry they were which almost started the water works several times. They got me hooked up to IVs and such. Then the anesthesiologist put a mask on my face and told me to take some deep breaths. I took one. And don't remember anything else.

This was my second miscarriage. I've had two kids in between and grown a lot. I understand better myself, my Father in Heaven, and his Plan of Happiness and was able to cope a bit better than last time. Both Joe and I are sad about losing this pregnancy. But we have hope for a bigger family one day.

baby blues

Joe and I are/were thinking about expanding our little family. We compromised; I was okay with a family of four, but Joe wanted a bigger family. We decided to make a plan (Joe loves his plans) and try during the summer so I wouldn't be huge pregnant during the hottest part of the summer. Well... things didn't go according to plan (do they ever). I missed my period (TMI?) and took a pregnancy test. It was positive!

And I freaked out.

Sure. We were just a few months early from our family expansion, but I did not feel ready. I love my Jovi, but she is a handful. Just today, she woke up at 6:30 in the AM and was ready for a nap by 10; she couldn't reach the box of cookies so she had a full-blown tantrum, throwing herself backward on the kitchen floor.

Joe did his thing and made things better. I was pregnant! And I was happy about it! I then went about trying to find a OB/GYN and set up our first appointment to hear the heart beat.

That appointment was last week. What they found was the sac with the yolk-looking thing. But no fetus. And no heart beat. I guess I went a little numb and didn't really hear the doctor's opinion. Good thing Joe was there and later explained everything to me again. --I love that man.

So here is what the doc said:
1. I'm not as far along as I thought, which I highly doubt because I am very regular with my periods and was tracking it. Yes. They have an app for that.
2. It's a blighted ovum; I never was pregnant. My body just thinks I am i.e. I still have symptoms.
3. It was a fertilized egg that just stopped growing.

Both Joe and I feel like it is option #2 or #3.

Surprisingly, I've had a couple people ask if I'm relieved. Joe says it's my own fault because I've publicly announced that I didn't want any more kids (he's so compassionate sometimes it kills me a little). But the thing is, I already accepted the idea that I was going to hold baby #3 in my arms around Thanksgiving, that Corban and Jovi were going to have another sibling, this little baby was going to have cousins it's same age on both sides of the family, and planned out how our lives were going to change.

Heartache is never easy. I'm just glad for my faith in a loving and understanding and just God. I'm forever grateful for the covenants I made in the Logan Temple that I can be with my little family forever; that we won't have to say goodbye at the grave.

I've been reading about other women's experiences like this and have grabbed on to a little sliver of hope. We go back in to the doc tomorrow (April 18) to see what we can see.

implants, of the dental kind

I just went to the dentist for the last time since I started this dental implant!!!!!!!

Rewind 15 -ish years ago. Me, Denise, and some of her friends were jumping on the tramp playing crack the egg. I was "it" and was holding on to dear life. Technically I won because they didn't crack me, but I cracked one of my molars instead. When I say cracked, I mean 3/4 of it came off! My dentist filled it like he would have a cavity and that was that.

Fast forward to 2006. Joe and I have been married and I'm having trouble with said molar again (past dentists would tear the old filling out of the molar and refill it like last time). Instead of doing what all the other dentists had done, my new dentist told me I needed a root canal and a cap put on. Okay. Sure. You're the Doc. Two root canals later and one cap, I was in pain.

Fast forward to 2011. I've had on and off trouble with my molar, but amoxicillin clears up any and all infection. I get pregnant with Jovi and zero tooth pain! I guess if I had to be that sick I'm glad I didn't have teeth problems on top of it. I had Jovi and a couple weeks after delivery the pain in my molar was UNBEARABLE!

My options: get another root canal or get the molar pulled and get an implant.

I got my molar pulled in October. The next several months are a blur of a surgery, stitches, blood, pain, implant revealer tool, more blood, screwdrivers, scraping gums past the post, and MY NEW TOOTH! I'm still hurting a little, so I can't 100% say that I'm glad I went through this whole ordeal. Don't ask Joe either. I'm sure he's glad that I don't have a gaping space in my mouth any more, but I'm not so sure he's happy about the bills from two doctors!

corban update

We took Corban in for his 4 month shots. We didn't even make it to the scales before the poor little guy started crying. He is now 16 pounds and is over 2 feet tall! He had a little fever this time, but he's doing much better.