denial

I have found a little home nestled deep within denial. The past 8 months have been unbelievable. Every. Single. Time. I think about June 8 I shake my head in unbelief and don't want to believe it really happened. It just doesn't make sense!

I am a migraine sufferer. I used to get them a lot when I was younger because I would worry and stress over a lot of things I couldn't control. I found a way to deal with stress and the migraines happened less frequently. And then I moved to Arizona where the sun is always shining and I started exercising. I haven't been able to control my water intake and retention and have been getting a migraine every time I exercise. Last week I had such a bad migraine that I ended up in the ER. My denial about Alyn is so solid that stress didn't even cross my mind as a reason for this headache.

In the past 12 months I have:

• had a baby
• lost a brother in law
• experienced 3 major holidays
• started exercising
• lost 15 pounds
• been home alone a lot because my husband is in graduate school/rotations

Yeesh! 

This last migraine that landed me in the ER was the worst headache I have every had. Joe had just finished his winter rotation, so we drove to a pizza joint so we could play together. I drove. When I got out of the car my entire right side of my body was numb. My foot was so numb I had a hard time keeping my shoe on. We got inside and the headache hit! It cleared enough I took Makenzie to the car where I started throwing up. Joe and the kids finished and came outside. And that is all I completely remember, the rest is blurry. I remember getting gas. I remember throwing up more and more. I remember still being numb. Joe took me to Urgent Care. They apparently gave me fluids and medicine. They apparently checked to see if I was pregnant. They eventually kicked us out at 8:00 p.m. (they close at 7) and recommended we go to the ER. We drove home to check on our kids (our Home Teacher came over and stayed with them) and went to the hospital. Joe checked me in and we waited. I remember bits and pieces of this place. They gave me more fluids and more meds. The nurse accused me of going to the hospital for JUST a headache. Joe took me home and I was finally able to fall asleep. 

What a HUGE wake up call that I need to do something, anything, to work through what has happened to me over the past 12 months; I obviously haven't handled all of them with as much skill and grace as I thought.