My husband can tell you the exact number of days since Alyn was murdered. I have nightmares of Alyn's death where I play over and over the events of June 8. Recently Alyn's youngest daughter turned one. This is a video Nicole made for her:
This video is hard to watch, but it is good to see Alyn again, to hear his voice.
People ask how Joe and I are doing. I really don't know how to answer that question. Right now is a kind of transitioning stage where everything feels different and looks different. Joe and I are happy. But it's a different happy with an ever present sadness. Our normal has forever changed and we're just trying to find our new normal.
After the burial and luncheon, a few of us headed back to Scott and Bri's house with hot chocolate in hand; Joe and I with Scott and Bri, and Bob and Liz following behind. I don't know what happened or how it happened. I do know that Scott flipped his car around and Bob and Liz were sideways in a ditch, their car smoking! In a flurry of moments everyone and everything was safe--except their car. We definitely had angels with us that day. Scott even joked that we were keeping Alyn busy.
We are not alone in this mortal journey. We have a father in Heaven and an elder brother who loves us dearly; they know us individually, they love us individually! We have friends and family who are physically around us who love us as well. I wish with my entire being that Alyn didn't have to be in Heaven right now, but I am comforted to know that he is now part of a heavenly army that is willing and ready to protect each one of us.
Star Valley provided their own honor guard. They did a 21 gun salute, played their bagpipes, and gave Nicole these gloves and flag from the casket.
It was cold and windy but beautiful. Spending a week dealing with the sadness and grief didn't lessen it any. The program following the honor guard was brief. We sang "God Be With You 'til We Meet Again" and Alyn's dad dedicated the grave.
Just like that, the past eight, horrific, emotional days were over. Now we had to go home and cope and grieve.
Scott and Bri live in Star Valley. Every week they visit Alyn's grave and place a new flower arrangement. We all live so far away and scattered. Thanks Scott and Bri. You're good people!
The plan was to bury Alyn in Star Valley, Wyoming. We all hopped in our cars and drove to Salt Lake City, Utah where we met Nicole, her kids, her parents, and Alyn at the airport. Joe and I drove with Scott and Bri, who are a couple of the nicest, funniest, most generous people I know and I'm proud to call them family.
The hangar was so big and empty and quiet. Southwest Airlines had a table full of drinks and treats for us and a couple of rows of chairs for us to sit on. When they brought Alyn's casket inside, they draped it with another flag and our family took the casket to the hearse.
Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, and Nevada police escorted the funeral procession to Star Valley. There were even police and civilians lining the streets and exits as we drove along, their lights flashing, their hands over their hearts, and flag flying.
After Thursday and visiting Cici's, I kind of checked out. My post-pregnant body was exhausted and I was emotionally beat up. The walls I had built to support Joe through the first couple of days collapsed. And I crumbled.
The funeral procession started at Palm Mortuary and ended at the Smith Center.
It was peaceful in the car I was in. As we drove along the route to the Smith Center, I watched police officers and civilians along the street salute and place their hands over their hearts. I saw love. I saw respect. I saw sadness. We drove under a huge American flag billowing softly in the breeze, held fast by two fire trucks.
Police officers lined the drive way, all standing at attention. Inside the car it was silent. I soaked in all the sights and feelings. We parked and walked inside to a private room and watched as the honor guard prepared to escort Alyn's casket into the building. We, as a family, walked down a flight of stairs and met the casket as it, and we, prepared to enter the performance hall.
The performance hall was quiet. I could hear random coughing, sniffling, and hushed conversation. I could hear peaceful singing coming from the top of the room. I followed my family forward and found a seat. The performance hall was huge! It had the main floor and then balcony upon balcony upon balcony. There were so many people there! All who loved Alyn.
I have never been before to a funeral that had an honor guard. The music from the pipe band and drums is a hauntingly beautiful thing to experience. I could feel the drums before seeing the band and can't quite explain the resonance and affect they had on my spirit. They escorted Alyn's casket into the room where someone placed Alyn's hat on the casket.
The funeral was amazing! I'm so glad it was televised and recorded because I forgot a lot of what was said and what happened. Friends from the police force prayed and spoke. Alyn's sergeant and sheriff spoke. There was a family song and Joe and Elizabeth gave the life sketch. Elder Terry Wade, an Area Seventy, even spoke and read a letter written by the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
But the best part of the funeral, for me, was the talk given by Tracy Truman.
The funeral continued outside where law enforcement continued to honor Alyn. We sat under an awning. We were seated in a grassy park. Birds were chirping. Bells were tolling. I watched row after row of police officers walk by Alyn's casket and salute their fallen brother. Different members would break off and present Nicole, Daxton, and Avi a flag or a coin or a badge, each hugging Nicole and her kids.
At the end of the services, dispatch does a final call for the fallen officer. It happens around minute 18 in the video.
It was nice finally having Joe next to me. He dragged my chair closer to his and held my hand the entire time. We got to spend another minute and say another goodbye to Alyn before they loaded it into the hearse.
By the time Friday, June 13, came around I was exhausted. I think we all were. Sitting here typing, with tears flowing, about this experience again is exhausting. The week had been healing but draining at the same time. We went to Alyn's viewing at his and Nicole's church house where their ward provided dinner for the whole family and extended family (the amount of food that their ward provided was incredible! There was a literal shmoregesborg of food every day at Nicole's house).We had a chance as a family to mingle and chat before the public viewing started.
Alyn had crafted swords for the guys he was over at the academy.
They remade the sword with Alyn's name on it and put it in their flower arrangement.
Joe and I took a private moment to be alone with Alyn. We entered the chapel where Alyn's flag draped casket sat at the front guarded by two police officers. The room was so calm and peaceful and filled with the spirit. There was another tribute video playing softly in the background of Alyn with his wife and kids. I'm glad Joe was with me because I don't think I could have walked to the front of the room without him. The officers were close enough to the casket that I'm sure they heard us as we chatted with Alyn. As we walked away from the casket, one of the officers, standing at attention, had tears streaming down his face.
Joe and I walked through a quiet room off the main room and briefly composed ourselves. Joe stayed with Nicole and some of his siblings in this room as they greeted guests and listened to stories of their brother. I found Makenzie and just held her as I walked to the other side of the church house to be alone; her little soul being a calming balm for me in a troubled circumstance.
As the last guest left the church, family filed back into the chapel with Alyn. This turned out to be an impromptu funeral filled with stories from all seven siblings and Nicole, songs from Avi and her cousins, and short talks from local and general church leaders.
Charles, Victoria, Scott, Sarah, Liz, Joe and Steve all shared memories they had of Alyn and delivered their memories true to their natures! Joe even got to use the phrase "zombie apocalypse"! As in, Alyn was our insurance policy if there ever was one. Alyn was good at getting in to mischief, but he was even better at getting out of it! If any of the siblings got into trouble with neighborhood kids, they went to Alyn for protection. Liz had decided that she was going to run away one day when she ran into Alyn. He asked her what she was doing and she told him. He took her hand, told her that she wasn't, and led her home. There wasn't any doubt that Alyn was everyone's favorite! He was playful and showed others that it was okay to play around and be goofy and be silly; life didn't need to be serious all the time.
Friday. A bunch of us wanted to tour Metro's Northeast Area Command, where Alyn worked. We got a glimpse at the inner workings of what he did on a daily basis. We saw his locker where he'd put his flip flops that he'd wear to work. We saw the conference room where metro's cops would start and finish their day.
Joe's brother, Scott, drove us around Las Vegas. His car broke down on our way to Area Command.
He went back to Alyn's house to grab Alyn's truck.
This is Alyn's truck in front of Metro's Northeast Area Command with the flag flying at half mast.
We saw the SUV that Alyn and Igor had driven the day they were killed.
The officers that were on duty when we were there told us stories they remembered of Alyn. They showed us where he and Igor liked to sit; not too close to the front, but not too far back that they couldn't submit their pearls of wisdom.
I once thought cops were just out to get people, to make their lives a little more miserable. I once thought cops were invincible. I once thought cops were heartless machines. I once thought cops didn't feel. That has all changed.
Cops are human. Cops are brave. Cops are courageous. Cops are strong. Cops are my heroes. When danger stares us in the face, cops run toward that danger. They respond to the pleas of help. they put their lives on the line to save those around them.
Let's use sane judgment and correct information when we form our opinions. Let's appreciate our cops.
