his ladder to the stars

By the time Friday, June 13, came around I was exhausted. I think we all were. Sitting here typing, with tears flowing, about this experience again is exhausting. The week had been healing but draining at the same time. We went to Alyn's viewing at his and Nicole's church house where their ward provided dinner for the whole family and extended family (the amount of food that their ward provided was incredible! There was a literal shmoregesborg of food every day at Nicole's house).We had a chance as a family to mingle and chat before the public viewing started. 

Alyn had crafted swords for the guys he was over at the academy.
They remade the sword with Alyn's name on it and put it in their flower arrangement.

Joe and I took a private moment to be alone with Alyn. We entered the chapel where Alyn's flag draped casket sat at the front guarded by two police officers. The room was so calm and peaceful and filled with the spirit. There was another tribute video playing softly in the background of Alyn with his wife and kids. I'm glad Joe was with me because I don't think I could have walked to the front of the room without him. The officers were close enough to the casket that I'm sure they heard us as we chatted with Alyn. As we walked away from the casket, one of the officers, standing at attention, had tears streaming down his face. 

Joe and I walked through a quiet room off the main room and briefly composed ourselves. Joe stayed with Nicole and some of his siblings in this room as they greeted guests and listened to stories of their brother. I found Makenzie and just held her as I walked to the other side of the church house to be alone; her little soul being a calming balm for me in a troubled circumstance. 

As the last guest left the church, family filed back into the chapel with Alyn. This turned out to be an impromptu funeral filled with stories from all seven siblings and Nicole, songs from Avi and her cousins, and short talks from local and general church leaders. 

Charles, Victoria, Scott, Sarah, Liz, Joe and Steve all shared memories they had of Alyn and delivered their memories true to their natures! Joe even got to use the phrase "zombie apocalypse"! As in, Alyn was our insurance policy if there ever was one. Alyn was good at getting in to mischief, but he was even better at getting out of it! If any of the siblings got into trouble with neighborhood kids, they went to Alyn for protection. Liz had decided that she was going to run away one day when she ran into Alyn. He asked her what she was doing and she told him. He took her hand, told her that she wasn't, and led her home. There wasn't any doubt that Alyn was everyone's favorite! He was playful and showed others that it was okay to play around and be goofy and be silly; life didn't need to be serious all the time.

The Beck brothers.

agape ... to love the unlovable

Friday. A bunch of us wanted to tour Metro's Northeast Area Command, where Alyn worked. We got a glimpse at the inner workings of what he did on a daily basis. We saw his locker where he'd put his flip flops that he'd wear to work. We saw the conference room where metro's cops would start and finish their day. 

Joe's brother, Scott, drove us around Las Vegas. His car broke down on our way to Area Command.
He went back to Alyn's house to grab Alyn's truck.
This is Alyn's truck in front of Metro's Northeast Area Command with the flag flying at half mast.

We saw the SUV that Alyn and Igor had driven the day they were killed.

The officers that were on duty when we were there told us stories they remembered of Alyn. They showed us where he and Igor liked to sit; not too close to the front, but not too far back that they couldn't submit their pearls of wisdom.

I once thought cops were just out to get people, to make their lives a little more miserable. I once thought cops were invincible. I once thought cops were heartless machines. I once thought cops didn't feel. That has all changed. 

Cops are human. Cops are brave. Cops are courageous. Cops are strong. Cops are my heroes. When danger stares us in the face, cops run toward that danger. They respond to the pleas of help. they put their lives on the line to save those around them. 

Let's use sane judgment and correct information when we form our opinions. Let's appreciate our cops.

"this has been a crapper of a week"

Life is unfair. But it will be just. 

Those of us who wanted to went to the Cici's where Alyn and Igor were shot on Thursday. 

A memorial to Alyn and Igor had been growing since Sunday. This is where it hit me on how big of an impact this evil act had affected not only the families of those killed, but the entire community, state, country, and world. People had come together. They were helping each other. They were mourning with each other. They were loving each other. It didn't matter what religion, political views, race, ethnicity people were. People were hurting and this is how they could "bear one another's burdens" and "mourn with those that mourn" Mosiah 8:9; Galatians 6:2.

Several police officers who responded to the call joined with us inside Cici's and were very candid about what happened at Cici's and over at Wal Mart. Alyn and Igor had stopped at this restaurant after a call they had responded to earlier that morning. They were eating lunch when the shooters, who had been trolling for cops, entered the restaurant, walked over to their table, shot Igor, and then shot Alyn.

What cowardice! What evil! What senseless violence!

It is unfair that a father of a little boy will not see him grow up. It is unfair that he won't physically be there for his wife. It is unfair that a father of three won't get to see graduations, missions, weddings, grandkids. It is unfair that he won't grow old with his wife. It is unfair that a young man was killed trying to do the right thing, stand up to evil, and protect others.

Life is unfair. But it will be just.

Today. Right now. Life feels unfair. But there is hope. I believe that there is a God in Heaven who loves his Earthly children. I believe He sent his son, Jesus Christ, to atone for all of us. To me, this means Jesus knows me, He loves me, and He has perfect empathy for my sorrows and my joys. I believe that what we do here on Earth impacts our eternal existence and we will be rewarded or punished accordingly; good for good, evil for evil. I believe we can and we will live with our families forever. I believe that I will see Alyn again; he will be healthy and whole and cracking jokes like he normally does. He's gonna have that goofy grin and sparkle in his eye and he is going to be so happy! 

igor soldo

As a family, we decided to attend Igor Soldo's funeral. Nicole, her parents, her sister, her brother, Alyn's parents, and five of Alyn's siblings were escorted to and from the services by police (we didn't have to wait for red lights, stop signs, other cars, merging traffic, etc.). I've never been to a cop funeral before, or any funeral for our armed forces. It is absolutely amazing how much respect and honor they have for each other and the families of their fallen. Our armed forces really are a band of brothers. As we approached the building, we walked down between two rows of officers that were standing at attention. I think we all lost it a minute and luckily were able to compose ourselves in a private room. 

It was good to learn more about Igor: who he was, who his family is, and what kind of dynamic he and Alyn most likely had. Igor was a son. A brother. A husband. And a father.

Igor's little boy is not yet one years-old. You can see in the video above and from the speeches given by Igor's friends during the funeral that Igor absolutely ADORED his little boy. 

Igor's wife, Andrea, at the end of the funeral. Absolutely heartbreaking that she is now a young widow with a young son. 

Igor's brother, Robert, did an amazing job giving his speech during the funeral. The Soldo family came to Alyn's funeral as well. Robert, Andrea, and the rest of the Soldo clan stayed until the very end of the funeral and met and chatted with Alyn's family. Robert came to hug me and tripped on my diaper bag. "I must be careful," he said in his thick Bosnian accent. "If I trip and fall, I will squish someone."

Robert is a BIG man. And so is his little brother. Igor sounded like a taller, broader version of Alyn: kind, compassionate, a jokester, loyal, dependable, fierce, strong, fun, lovable.

band of brothers

One thing that really impressed me was the camaraderie that law enforcement share. The honor, the respect, the love they have for each other is palpable and very touching. Every where we traveled as a family there was law enforcement showing their respect for us, as Alyn's family, and for Alyn. 

Law enforcement agencies from Utah, Nevada, Wyoming, and Idaho at Alyn's internment.

Police officers at the Idaho/Wyoming border.

Police badges from different agencies at Alyn's funeral.

My perspective on law enforcement has changed DRAMATICALLY since Alyn was killed. They are just men and women putting their lives in harms way to protect our freedoms. They have families. They have houses. They have troubles. They are humans. The following article has made it's way around Facebook, but I wanted a link here as well. Tracy Smith knew Alyn and loved Alyn--you couldn't help not love Alyn once you met him. I love Tracy's article, "Killing A Cop Doesn't Make You a Revolutionary" .

we are all brothers and sisters

Joe and I found out the funeral plans, which included a lot of memorials for Alyn and Igor and burying Alyn in Wyoming, and made our travel arrangements: we would fly to Las Vegas, drive to Wyoming, and fly back to Tucson.

I found a family in our church to watch Corban and Jovi, which meant we would take Makenzie with us in all our travels. Joe and I were a little nervous about traveling with a 4 week old infant, so we put together a little ziploc bag for each passenger on our flight. Each bag had a few Starburst candies and a note which read:

Hi. My name is Makenzie. I am one month old and
this is my first flight. I have never flown before so
I do not know how I'm gonna do. My parents and I are flying
to go to my Uncle Alyn's funeral. I shouldn't even
be on this flight so I hope to not interrupt your flight too much.
Here is a little treat to help pass the time and my mom and
dad have ear plugs if you need them.

When we got to the airport a big Las Vegas Metro police officer met us on the airplane. He grabbed Joe in a big bear hug, hugged me, took Makenzie, and zipped us off the plane. He took us through the airport, past security, out a side door and into a squad car. He then went off to baggage claim to get our bags. While we waited for our bags our niece, Madison, and her husband, Evan, pulled up in another squad car. This was the first of many family hugs where we shed many tears. 

The out pouring of support and love I felt from the Las Vegas Metro Police Department was amazing! They took care of everything and everyone. They had a police detail outside of Alyn's house, they escorted the family to and from a lot of different places, they even were concerned enough with me and Makenzie that several offered to hold her. They talked with us, they laughed with us, they cried with us, because for them, they had lost a brother as well. 

Even the community was deeply affected by this tragedy. A memorial grew bigger and bigger outside of CiCi's Pizza through out the entire week for Alyn and Igor; fundraisers were set up for Alyn, Igor, and Joseph Wilcox (the civilian killed in Wal Mart); bank accounts were set up for each of the victims's families; and even the funerals were televised so the community could mourn as well. 

It's heartbreaking when the world is faced with so much evil. But it is over whelming to see people stand up to that evil with love and good and hope. We are all just brothers and sisters on this Earth for a probationary time. We are here to gain experience. To love. To serve. And the world lost three great examples of that in Alyn, Igor and Joseph. 

what would you say?

What would you say to the world, your community, your spouse, your kids, your family if today was your last day on Earth?

I have been thinking about this lately and will be telling my family, my kids, and my spouse what they mean to me. No regrets.