new year, new goals

I made a list of 100 things I want to learn, see and do before I turn 40. I have until the spring of 2022 to finish this list. 

One of these goals is to get back into writing, and hopefully, one day get something published. To help with this goal, I am following an IG account that offers a writing prompt. I will post my writings here.

Missionary Lesson: Our Purpose/The Atonement/Acting on Faith

The Sister missionaries invited me to go to a lesson yesterday and wanted me to participate with the lesson. We didn't end up teaching the investigator about this topic, so I thought I'd share here what I studied.

Our purpose on Earth is to:

1. Have JOY and
2. Prepare to return back to our Heavenly Father

We are also here to gain experience. Experiences can bring us happiness or they can bring us sadness, pain, or sorrow. And, sometimes these experiences are brought on by others choices. We have these experiences to learn and grow, distinguish between good and evil, and to make choices.

**SIDENOTE** In a recent Relief Society lesson, we talked about the differences between joy and happiness. Joy is an eternal concept, whereas happiness is a momentary experience.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ consisted of his suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross at Calvary. It also consists of His resurrection. His atonement covers everyone! When each of us dies, each one of us will have the opportunity to be resurrected because of the atonement. Our ultimate goal is to return back into the presence of our Father in Heaven, to live with him and Jesus Christ for eternity. To make it to this goal, there are some conditions of the atonement that we must all follow. They are:

• Believe in Jesus Christ
• Repent
• Be baptized by immersion and receive the Holy Ghost
• Be the best we can be all the time, which includes loving and serving others.

The atonement is an amazing, personal thing that is hard for me to comprehend. I know that through the atonement and the promises I make and keep with Jesus Christ will allow me to be with my family forever. Through the atonement Jesus Christ will help me with the experiences I have on this earth.

Sometimes we feel tired, sick, confused, angry or it feels like no one is answering or even hearing our pleadings. Another name for Jesus Christ is Light. He is the source of light and truth and hope and love and happiness. Imagine you're holding a candlestick with a bright, shinning light. You can see everything the light touches but not the things in the darkness. You have to show faith by taking one step into that darkness so that the light will illuminate what you are looking for. Our Father hears us! He loves us! We can do our parts and act on faith that one day we will have energy; we will be healthy and strong; our minds will work in amazing ways; we will be filled with love and light; and all our questions will be answered. Until that day we must have believe in Jesus Christ, repent, and endure to the end.

Afflictions of the Righteous

If you have ever been in the midst of affliction (and, really, who hasn't) it almost always feels like your being afflicted because God must hate you. Why else would you have to experience that? I recently watched "Little Rascals" again, and the quote from Alfalfa always sticks with me: "What else could possible go wrong? And then the clouds parted and God said, 'I hate you Alfalfa.'" This quote makes me giggle, but a little sad inside as well.

I have studied a bit about the afflictions of the righteous. The scriptural account that comes to mind is that of Job. He had everything taken from him, including his family and his attitude was ,"though [God] slay me, yet will I trust in him" (Job 13:15). A few versus before, he said, "let come on me what will" (Job 13:13)!

Those afflictions of the righteous are for experience, discipline and instruction.

being happy

I love TEDtalks! I've been purging some of our "stuff" and came across the following notes from Jane McGonigal's talk "The Game That Can Give You 10 Extra Years" in June 2012.

She mentioned "5 Regrets of the Dieing" that hospice workers remember. They are:
1. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
2. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
3. I wish I had let myself be happier.
4. I wish I had the courage to express my true self.
5. I wish I had lived a life true to my dreams, instead of what others expected of me.

She also mention "5 Traits of Post-Traumatic Growth". They are:
1. My priorities have changed -- I'm not afraid to do what makes me happy.
2. I feel closer to my friends and family.
3. I understand myself better, I know who I REALLY am now.
4. I have a new sense of meaning and purpose.
5. I'm better able to focus on my goals and dreams.

She also mentioned "4 Resilience Traits" that people can exercise. They are:
1. PHYSICAL Resilience: Be active and move!
2. MENTAL Resilience: snap 50 times to boost will power.
3. EMOTIONAL Resilience: journal 3 positive things and 1 negative thing.
4. SOCIAL Resilience: get strength from touching someone.

This is such a tender mercy from my Father in Heaven! I have been studying and praying all I can about forgiveness and being happy. I can definitely relate to most of the post-traumatic growth and want to stay away from the regrets.

self esteem

be perfect

There are two scriptures that tell us to be perfect.

Matthew 5:48
"Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."

3 Nephi 12:48
"Therefore I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect."

Notice the differences?

When Jesus Christ is commanding us to be perfect, he is not telling us that we need to bake a million cakes and cookies for the bake sale, be a specific size, volunteer for every little shin dig, have perfect little children who sit perfectly still in church.

Jesus is inviting us to be with him and our father in heaven. And the only way we can make it back to them, to live with them in the Celestial Kingdom, is through the atonement and by being resurrected. Resurrection means finished, complete, whole, fully developed. Being resurrected equals perfection!

Grief/Trauma

I have been struggling with this new experience with all the associated trauma and grief. Some people have asked why I am upset, after all, Alyn wasn't my brother; I've had people try to compare their unique experience with my own; etc. etc. I have thought a lot about grief. This is what I have come up with.

One of my sister-in-laws explained her thoughts about grief being cyclical instead of linear; that she can move forward and upward, but she can still experience bad, hard, awful, triggered moments that move her downward. And then she moves forward and upward again and the cycle repeats.

To me, grief is grief; people are different. One thing can absolutely devastate someone and that same experience, to another person, could be the absolute easiest thing to over come. That being said, I HATE HATE HATE when people try to compare their experience with my own. 

This made me think about grief and trauma like an earth quake: the focus of the event has the most damaging effect, and the further you get away from the focus the less intense it is and the damage gets less and less. BUT, the shock waves of the focus are there and affect a lot more than we could ever imagine.

My goal is to care for those around me, to love them and their experiences, and to help them as best I can. I love in Revelation as John describes the celestial earth and how God the Father will be among us, that he will "wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things (the things as they are right now) are passed away" (21:4). I am praying for that day when wickedness, sadness, grief, and trauma are no longer on this earth and I won't have to watch the people I love suffer!